I have been hesitant to write about this subject because it is a personal topic. I have decided though that it is good. I believe that I am so not alone in this thing I deal with and I think this is something that absolutely needs to be talked about by all who have it and should not be something hidden. I have depression which most everyone knows, I'm not a hider : ), more than half of my family has it. It is a really confusing thing though because when I think about the fact that my family has it, it becomes a chicken and egg thing. Is my family dysfunctional because of chemical imbalances or are we sad because of dysfunction? that is beside the point. I think sharing is good though because when you have this, you think, I'm the only one who is a mess, no one understands or would want to and if they knew what I'm really like.... The truth is though, that there are tons of us out there and would love and help each other and accept each others messes if we only knew. My hope is that the average Joe would still love us if they did. Everyone has their own freakshow. I hope.
I have been on antidepressants for about 11 years. The medicine has helped me a lot, but there have also been times where it has not helped. Most of the time I am a happy and fun person with a positive view but every so often, I'd guess about twice a year I'm a mess. at least one episode always happens in the winter. By a mess I mean, I cry at least once a day and feel despair. I feel I am not control of the crying and most of the time there's nothing even wrong. I also get frustrated and impatient with everything, as a result of these things, my self esteem suffers and then I am outright depressed. I think one of the hardest things about having this is reconciling it with who I am. I don't want to be that person. I don't want my kids to have a sad Mom. That's the main thing. and my poor husband. He's going strait to heaven.
So anyway about a year ago, I felt like my prozac wasn't working very well and I was having a lot of side effects, so I switched to wellbutrin. While I was on wellbutrin I was a complete psycho and I believe it made me a lot worse. Then I switched to Zoloft which helped my depression but the side effects were overwhelming, including the dulling of every feeling or emotion. I wasn't able to feel happy or spiritual or excited much, but I wasn't crying either.
My angel of a husband did his research and found a book called the depression cure. I have been doing this method for several months and have done really well. There are six parts of the program
*getting enough sleep
*taking omega 3 fish oil
*getting enough sunlight
*exercising
*social interaction
*not ruminating
I have been off of my pills completely for about a month and a half. I use the light box daily which had regulated my sleep and helped a ton. I do everything else pretty well except the exercise of course which I'm still working on. I have been super happy ever since, feeling more joy and being touched and excited more that I have in years. Paul has been gone this week and I've had a lot of time alone, feeling overwhelmed by kids and missing the summer sun and I think I am slipping into a depression but this time I feel that I have tools to fight it instead of feeling victimized and overwhelmed by it. Now I am discovering RUMINATING. I didn't used to thing I did it, but guess what, I totally do! ruminating is focusing on negative thoughts for extended periods of time. way after it is useful. It happens mostly when your mind is idle. while driving or laying in bed at night. The idea is basically to recognize when you're ruminating and then to distract yourself. It makes sense that this will help a ton. So I will do it.
The title of this post is an acronym for "to write love on her arms" which is a movement to recognize That we all know and love someone or are someone who suffers from depression or addiction, and we love you. I learned about this from Ashley, one of my best friends in the world who is beyond awesome and is suffering pretty bad right now. <3
When I wear my twloha t shirt about town & have to explain to friends what it is, most of the time the reaction is " bummer : ) "
yep. and I apologize. But I hope this is useful to someone.
http://www.twloha.com/faq/
