I gave this talk in church today. It was well received :)
The Road to Perfection
Expectations and faith
---When I was engaged and first married, I worked as a dialysis technician.
· The patients came in 3 x’s a week . They were all older people and they would tell me their stories. I quickly noticed a theme of great hardship in their stories, all of them! …
· Betty,
was my first real southerner. She had to leave her home in
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who had a wonderful laugh, had 9 children who she took with her every day to clean houses to earn enough money to feed them all.
* Howard
wife’s cancer went into remission just as Howard lost his kidneys as a result of his cancer.
-These were some of my favorite patients because of their sweet demeanors and bright outlook on life. They just each seemed calm and easy.
These patients and all the others had all had good times but they all had had heartbreaking, and difficult times too.
I was hoping for a blissful life with my new best friend and I did not want to have a story like all of these. But I felt that I inevitably would!
I want to talk about expectations about this life and the kind of faith & trust in the Lord that we need.
I approached my future with bit of fear, some approach the future with blissful ignorance or with a resolve to make all the right choices and avoid life’s pitfalls. Some go in armed with preparation and an attitude that thy will get through it with the Lords help.
--what were your expectations when you left home or got married?
Very few start out life planning or hoping for; extreme financial trouble, fights with their spouse, infertility, infidelity, depression, illness etc.
--So what can we expect?
Henry B. Eyring, “Adversity,” Liahona, May 2009,
“It is clear that for us to have that gift of Eternal life and to be given that trust, we must be transformed through making righteous choices where that is hard to do. We are prepared for so great a trust by passing through trying and testing experiences in mortality. That education can come only as we are subject to trials while serving God and others for Him.
In this education we experience misery and happiness, sickness and health, the sadness from sin and the joy of forgiveness. That forgiveness can come only through the infinite Atonement of the Savior, which He worked out through pain we could not bear and which we can only faintly comprehend.”
James E. Faust, “Where Do I Make My Stand?,” Liahona, Nov 2004,
--Tells us that it will be a bumpy road but that we will be guided.
“President Howard W. Hunter once said, “God knows what we do not know and sees what we do not see.” 16 None of us knows the wisdom of the Lord. We do not know in advance exactly how He would get us from where we are to where we need to be, but He does offer us broad outlines in our patriarchal blessings. We encounter many bumps, bends, and forks in the road of life that leads to the eternities. There is so much teaching and correction as we travel on that road. Said the Lord, “He that will not bear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom.” 17 “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth.” 18
---Why do bad things happen to good people?
President Foust says…
“Dr. Arthur Wentworth Hewitt suggested some reasons why the good suffer as well as the wicked: “First: I don’t know. Second: We may not be as innocent as we think. Third: … I believe it is because He loves us so much more than He loves our happiness. (repeat) How so? Well, if on a basis of strict personal return here and now, all the good were always happy and all the bad suffered disaster (instead of often quite the reverse), this would be the most subtle damnation of character imaginable.” 1
“If pain and sorrow and total punishment immediately followed the doing of evil, no soul would repeat a misdeed. If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil—all would do good and not because of the rightness of doing good. There would be no test of strength, no development of character, no growth of powers, no free agency. … There would also be an absence of joy, success, resurrection, eternal life, and godhood.” 2
---Quentin L. Cook, “‘Hope Ya Know, We Had a Hard Time’,” Ensign, Nov 2008
Expanding on the purpose of trials...
“One of the essential doctrines illuminated by the Restoration is that there must be opposition in all things for righteousness to be brought to pass.2 This life is not always easy, nor was it meant to be; it is a time of testing and proving. As we read in Abraham, “And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.”
----How do we handle it when hard times come?
President Faust
“ Some, because they lack faith or understanding of the eternal plan, become bitter and lose hope. One such was a 19th-century writer who achieved both success and wealth with his dazzling wit and writing style. His wife came from a religious family, and he wanted to have faith in God but wasn’t really sure God existed. Then he was hit by a series of crushing blows. In 1893 a national financial crisis left him deeply in debt. His oldest daughter died while he was on a speaking tour. His wife’s health failed, and she died in 1904. His youngest daughter died in 1909. His own health declined. His writing, which had formerly been so full of sparkle, now reflected his bitterness. He became progressively depressed, cynical, and disillusioned and remained so until his death in 1910. With all his brilliance, he lacked the inner strength to deal with adversity and simply resigned himself to his misfortunes.
It’s not so much what happens to us but how we deal with what happens to us. That reminds me of a passage from
"I have seen faith and courage come from a testimony that it is true that we are being prepared for eternal life. The Lord will rescue His faithful disciples. And the disciple who accepts a trial as an invitation to grow and therefore qualify for eternal life can find peace in the midst of the struggle."
Like the Lamanites and the Nephites, we can go through hard things and gain nothing but anger or confusion. Or we can learn much.
· For the past 15 years at least, I have battled depression. I know I am not alone in this, so today I am compelled to share a bit.
I always wanted to fight it and keep it at bay so I could handle whatever things would come in my life. During the past couple of months, it developed into a severe anxiety disorder and I realized that this is my trial. I know it isn’t or won’t be my only one but I have learned a great deal about this life and about heavenly Father from it so far.
I was having daily panic attacks, which consist of, for me, racing thoughts, shaking and thrashing about, and hyperventilating. For weeks I was basically frozen in depression and fear. Some of my friends and family thought that this was the work of the devil or that an evil spirit was using my depression to hurt my family. I believed it and felt too weak to fight it. I got worse after that.
Then someone said “Is it possible that this is the Lord, not the Devil, using this as a tool in your life?
We discussed the possible goodnesses that could come from it. Humility, empathy, closeness to Christ. And I realized that I had never prayed so much or felt so desperate for the Lords help. Ever since I realized that this is a trial, given to me as a gift to change me into whoever it is I am supposed to be, so that I can do whatever it is I am supposed to do. I am suddenly accepting and grateful for something I have hated for as long as I can remember. As I am learning to trust the Lord completely, I feel like a new person.
----Job Said, speaking of the Lord, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him,” 12 and, “He also shall be my salvation.” 13 Job attested, “For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: and though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God.” 14 Job completely trusted the Lord to take care of all of the other concerns.
President Faust;
“As we live on earth we must walk in faith, nothing doubting. When the journey becomes seemingly unbearable, we can take comfort in the words of the Lord: “I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will heal thee.” 19 Some of the healing may take place in another world. We may never know why some things happen in this life. The reason for some of our suffering is known only to the Lord."
------Walk with me, Elaine L Jack, 1994, said of our rewards…
“The fruits of eternal progress are manifest in Joy, peace love, hope and increased confidence in the Lord.”
Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come.
***I ask you to look at a hard thing in your life and find the good in it. I believe that if we have reasonable expectations of our lives and the faith to enjoy the ride and “give it to God” That we will be blessed. I have a testimony that we can trust and rely on the Lord in good times
and bad. He knows the path our lives will take and if we can keep our chin up and continue to love him and do his work, our lives will have been beautiful and purposeful. I know that Heavenly Father loves each of you and has a plan for you. I love you all so much and will miss you each terribly but will take you with me in my heart. I love the Lord and his Gospel. I will leave you with a wonderful poem..
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My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.
Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not ‘til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned
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